Still Learning
Embarrassment is a surprisingly effective teacher.
We live in hell. RealFeel: 118F. Too hot to do anything outside.
So I’m staying in, studying Korean. Or at least I should be. Right now I’m taking a class twice a week with an online tutor on italki. Sangbin Lee has been excellent if you’re looking for someone to study with. He’s good at linguistics and explaining the intricacies and weirdness of the language.
He’s also patient, which I need because I either don't have the time — or don't make the time— to practice enough. I was doing pretty well for a while. Had a stretch there for a few weeks where I was getting my homework done on time and practicing my flashcards. Even the green Duolingo owl wasn’t mad at me. But the move wrecked all that. And for the past three or four sessions, Teacher Lee has had to exercise some Zen-level patience when he asks me whether I understand a basic concept I should have learned.
“Uhhhh … say that again?”
He just laughs.
Despite how dumb I feel when I try to read aloud or say anything resembling a sentence in Korean, it still feels better to attempt to learn the language than to not do anything about it at all. At least I’m trying. Is it more embarrassing to not be able to speak at all than to sound stupid? Is it better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt? I’m fine looking like a fool if it helps me feel more confident in the language.
For a while there, I could comfort myself about my illiteracy by saying, “no, I don’t speak Korean, but I’ve also written five books. That’s what I was doing in my free time when I should’ve been learning.”
I’m old now, so I get up early, and I have an established routine where I write in the mornings. The rest of the day it’s easier to fit in study time. Plus, I have a little teacher who is conversationally fluent in two languages and can help me practice my flashcards at night. It also helps her keep her English vocabulary sharp. And another, bigger, teacher who is great at not making her husband feel dumber than he already sounds.
And I actually kind of like doing things that make me feel and look dumb. It’s good for ego health. Or maybe ego death. Less harmful than psilocybin, at least. There was a period in my life when I felt like I only wanted to do the things I was good at, or at least serviceable at. But that’s a small way to live. Even if my brain has a lot of miles on it after 46 years, and it might not absorb new information as well as it once did, with some dedicated practice I know I can achieve some level of proficiency in Korean. I mean, I’m immersed in the language. I live in a part of the Seoul metropolitan area where I see very few foreigners. My in-laws don’t speak a lick of English. There’s no better time for me to learn another language.
I need to also start watching some Korean dramas and movies to help build my vocabulary. If you have any favorites I can stream on Netflix, Disney+, Hulu, or Apple TV, I’d love to hear them. I’ve also been listening to some great Korean bands lately. Check out Car, the garden, The Black Skirts, and Hyukoh if you’re so inclined.
Keep at it, it will be worth it!
"At least I’m trying"
This, I have found, it the most important part. I've never had a problem when I travel because I was trying to speak the language even though I was a short-time tourist. When I spent the summer in Tanzania, everyone appreciated that I tried. I wish I had kept up with the Swahili. I think humans, in general, appreciate the trying, so even if your Korean is never "native' to you, people will appreciate the effort. I have confidence you'll get there, even if you're humbled on a regular basis at the moment.
I think you're on the right track with watching TV and movies. Most of my Dutch friends perfected their English this way. You'll get there, no doubt, especially with a little teacher in your house.
It's also nice to see you haven't changed with the 90 billion tabs open on your browser, so thank you for that little smile this morning. You and I are quite opposite on that.